Funny quote

“The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.” – Solomon Short

George Carlin’s view on aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life .. . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I Was JUST 92.”

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

Quotation about humour, jokes

The gods too are fond of a joke.  –Aristotle

Funny quotation

“The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.” – Arthur Koestler

Puns

… from Bill Bradley [and http://www.terrypaulson.com]

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2. Police were called to a daycare, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He is all right now.

4. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

5. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

6. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

7. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

8. If you do not pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

Funny quotation

“People find life entirely too time-consuming.” – Stanislaw J. Lec

Funny Quotation

“A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.” – Anonymous